Another piece of my world crumbles away.
Posted 06-11-08 at 10:01 AM by Siler
Well, Pretty much like it said, another piece of my world has crumbled away... I had plans for my life to start, the way I wanted, the way I needed, and I had a head start on anyone around my age... But now it seems that it's crumbling away, decaying from the inside out, and I can't do anything about it... And as it crumbles, another unrelated piece dissolves into thin air...
Pretty much, my world is quickly running out of positives, and the negatives are skyrocketing by the hour... And I honestly don't know how much more of it I can take... I guess on an upside I can use it to write some great music... It's always this mood and these feelings that bring my true musicianship out...
The cost of my love... I can write some of the best music written for an unsigned musician in this mindset, but the cost of my humanity is killer. The feeling that I'm drifting through life had returned, like I'm just floating adrift and through shit while it happens and like I just can't do anything about it... I've also caught that my apparently natural paranoia is getting bad again... Found myself in need of those sedatives to relax, and moreso than I took when they first prescribed them...
Should I go to the doctor and try to get something to help me not feel this way, I know they have those kinda pills, and I gaurantee if I say how I feel, they could tell I need them rather than want them. I hate taking pills daily... I wish I could still stop but because of everyone pressuring me and saying 'Well once you get on meds your life will turn around' and pushing me into taking shit I never wanted in my system, I've grown physically dependent upon that, and the shit I'm on I learned my lesson about not taking them...
Oh well, It's a hard knock life, and this is to what I'm accustomed. My life is what it is right now.
I just wish I could save something... Anything...
Pretty much, my world is quickly running out of positives, and the negatives are skyrocketing by the hour... And I honestly don't know how much more of it I can take... I guess on an upside I can use it to write some great music... It's always this mood and these feelings that bring my true musicianship out...
The cost of my love... I can write some of the best music written for an unsigned musician in this mindset, but the cost of my humanity is killer. The feeling that I'm drifting through life had returned, like I'm just floating adrift and through shit while it happens and like I just can't do anything about it... I've also caught that my apparently natural paranoia is getting bad again... Found myself in need of those sedatives to relax, and moreso than I took when they first prescribed them...
Should I go to the doctor and try to get something to help me not feel this way, I know they have those kinda pills, and I gaurantee if I say how I feel, they could tell I need them rather than want them. I hate taking pills daily... I wish I could still stop but because of everyone pressuring me and saying 'Well once you get on meds your life will turn around' and pushing me into taking shit I never wanted in my system, I've grown physically dependent upon that, and the shit I'm on I learned my lesson about not taking them...
Oh well, It's a hard knock life, and this is to what I'm accustomed. My life is what it is right now.
I just wish I could save something... Anything...
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Recent Blog Entries by Siler
- OMG, I'm... Happy? (12-30-08)
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- My life = Officially over (06-11-08)
- Another piece of my world crumbles away. (06-11-08)
