Ocpd

So, i guess no-one here really knows, but i suffer from some mental health issues:
*Clinical Depression
*Social Anxiety Disorder
*PTSD (Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder)
*OCPD (Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder)

yeah. a list.

Anyway i'm pretty much medicated for all of these (shake me, i rattle!) and most of them are all ok, but man the OCPD is stressing me out at the moment.

I spent all day yesterday cleaning my apartment, even though i got 4 hours sleep. The kitchen and bathroom are done now more or less (just got the oven left to do) and made a start on the living room.

I guess i have a whole list of 'quirks', but the one bothering me the most at the moment is touching.
I hate people touching me. Just in general. Kev, a friend of mine introduced me to someone on thursday night and it was awful. i had a cig in my hand and a can in the other and dithered for a good 20 seconds, trying to put my cig in my mouth to free up a hand and changing my mind before having to resort to 'look i'm really sorry but i don't like touching people i don't know - i have OCPD' which resulted in a blank and somewhat offended look. But i couldn't touch his hand. I'd rather have strange looks and being labled crazy than have to touch someone i don't know.

I'm pretty vicious too at the moment, not off-the-bat, insane vicious. just... i dunno. verbally i've always been like that, not in a i-want-to-be-mean way, just in a i-tell-the-truth way and i guess people don't like that. I AM out-of-my-way-mean to boys that hit on me at the moment. I need them to get the message and to LEAVE ME ALONE! If they don't i tend to punch them. the meds are well and truly at work because i just feel so apathetic, especially towards relationships.

I'm clutching at Alexis - my housemate who is probably as bad as me, he's bi-polar and that makes our house a whole ball of awesome (no -really). I guess i need to go back into therapy for this wee relapse, as it's getting pretty bad again.

For my own amusement here is a list of the things i obsess about:

* cleaning. I clean everything. no-one else can clean the apt because THEY DON'T DO IT RIGHT. Cleaning for me involves several cleaning products, pink rubber gloves, the 'cleaning outfit' (headband, certain t-shirt and certain shorts, certain shoes.)

* Even Numbers. Everything must be even. TV channels, volume dials, central heating temp, what time i get out of bed, most things. I get pretty anxious if they're not even and then i have to adjust it or i go mad.

* Pedestrian crossings. I have to push the button before i can cross the road. Even if there are no cars coming for MILES i still have to do it. i don't need to wait until the green man (Walk sign) comes on though.

*Being touched (see above)

*anti-bacterial hand sanitiser. I don't leave the house without it. Clenliness is IMPORTANT people

* repetative behavour. i get in and out of bed EVERY NIGHT to check: the door is locked, back to bed, the windows are closed, back to bed, the lights are off, back to bed, i have a drink of water, back to bed, i don't need the loo, back to bed, and usually the door is locked again.

*lists. EVERYTHING goes on a list. i have a real thing about making lists. shopping, to-do, pro's and cons. EVERYTHING.

The whole thing is boring and and annoying and i wish i could stop.