My First Time..
Posted 08-09-08 at 06:42 PM by xocherryberrypie
Start Time: 4:16 PM Sat. Aug. 9th, 2008
(To anyone who reads, I'm just getting this off my chest. I have to.)
It's funny. Only last week I posted a thread that said I was going to my first real "party" with drugs, alcohol, the whole shi-bang! And yet, just four days ago.. I tried pot for the first time.
I was so upset that day. I was so emotionally erratic. Bouncing from being so engraged one moment to bawling my eyes out the next. I had said some mean things to someone.. There were a lot more that I had wanted to say.. Too many things that I wanted to say.. (I always want to say a lot, but it doesn't mean I do) and one of them was that I might try doing drugs myself just to see what 'the fucking big deal was.'
And so, while I was crying, I texted my friend (the one who's going to have that party next week) and told him, if you're coming over tonight, bring pot. I want to try it. And he said ok.
He was hanging out with his friends at his house, when they all came over and we walked to the park. His friends seemed decent enough. Though the girl was kinda scary. o_o;; A little time passed and my friend Evan came to the park with his friend Ryan just when my buddy and his friends brought out the pot.
Suddenly it was my turn... and my first instinct was to reject it. I was about to say, "Oh no thanks," but then I remembered... I had wanted to do this.. I was doing this by choice.. And so I took it.. and I was so unbelievably scared. One thing is for sure.. I hadn't expected it to burn.. and taste nasty.. lol..
After the first inhale.. I asked how much more I had to do and they were all, "A lot."
Fuck.
After the second time inhaling, I had to grab onto Evan's hand.. I don't know why I was so scared.. I guess maybe I just wasn't comfortable with the whole thing: the people, the place.. I just didn't like it. Luckily Ryan had brought chips and a pop so I could try getting some of that awful flavor out of my mouth..
As for the experience of being high.. I don't think it lasted very long. There's only one point where I actually noticed feeling different.. But the whole time my friend's friends would say, "Oh dude, you're so high." "You're totally high." God, it just made me want to punch somebody in the face. I laughed at things I would normally laugh at, that I know. And Evan and his friend Ryan weren't doing it with us, and he knows me really well and even he said he didn't think I was.
I don't know... I guess I just wasn't getting the same thing out of it they were. I didn't really get it.. the point.. or whatever. And after, when I told a couple of my closest friends who don't do pot.. they were really disappointed in me.. because I had always told them that I didn't need pot to have fun.. or to prove something.. or just whatever. I didn't need to try it.. but I did. Evan had said that he was going to get some more on Monday and if I wanted I could come over and it would be a much better experience. At the time, I was all for it.. now I'm not so sure.
I feel guilty. Like I compromised who I am just to try something.. I've always been really curious.. I like trying new things.. I had to try and convince myself that by trying pot it doesn't make me a bad person.. and I know it doesn't.. because I'm still me.. and I know who I am.. but I had also considered what would happen to me if I had continued using.. and trying other things.. and I didn't like that idea of me at all. It would only interfere with all of my plans.. and I'm not sure I'd be able to live with myself if I walked around in a constant stupor.. or went to school high.. I wouldn't like that at all.
For whatever reasons I decided to try that night.. whether it was out of curiosity, to try and find something to help escape reality, maybe even to form a bond, (though it wasn't out of peer pressure. I resisted their cigarettes and their booze. :P)..I wasn't comfortable, and I don't think I'd like to do it again.
That's just how I feel. Your own personal preferences are great. More power to you. But I compromised who I was that night, and that's not something I want to do again.
Thanks to whoever took the time to read this. I have to go take a shower. :) And it feels really good to have finally written this somewhere to get it in perspective. :3
End Time: 4:37 PM Sat. Aug. 9th, 2008
(To anyone who reads, I'm just getting this off my chest. I have to.)
It's funny. Only last week I posted a thread that said I was going to my first real "party" with drugs, alcohol, the whole shi-bang! And yet, just four days ago.. I tried pot for the first time.
I was so upset that day. I was so emotionally erratic. Bouncing from being so engraged one moment to bawling my eyes out the next. I had said some mean things to someone.. There were a lot more that I had wanted to say.. Too many things that I wanted to say.. (I always want to say a lot, but it doesn't mean I do) and one of them was that I might try doing drugs myself just to see what 'the fucking big deal was.'
And so, while I was crying, I texted my friend (the one who's going to have that party next week) and told him, if you're coming over tonight, bring pot. I want to try it. And he said ok.
He was hanging out with his friends at his house, when they all came over and we walked to the park. His friends seemed decent enough. Though the girl was kinda scary. o_o;; A little time passed and my friend Evan came to the park with his friend Ryan just when my buddy and his friends brought out the pot.
Suddenly it was my turn... and my first instinct was to reject it. I was about to say, "Oh no thanks," but then I remembered... I had wanted to do this.. I was doing this by choice.. And so I took it.. and I was so unbelievably scared. One thing is for sure.. I hadn't expected it to burn.. and taste nasty.. lol..
After the first inhale.. I asked how much more I had to do and they were all, "A lot."
Fuck.
After the second time inhaling, I had to grab onto Evan's hand.. I don't know why I was so scared.. I guess maybe I just wasn't comfortable with the whole thing: the people, the place.. I just didn't like it. Luckily Ryan had brought chips and a pop so I could try getting some of that awful flavor out of my mouth..
As for the experience of being high.. I don't think it lasted very long. There's only one point where I actually noticed feeling different.. But the whole time my friend's friends would say, "Oh dude, you're so high." "You're totally high." God, it just made me want to punch somebody in the face. I laughed at things I would normally laugh at, that I know. And Evan and his friend Ryan weren't doing it with us, and he knows me really well and even he said he didn't think I was.
I don't know... I guess I just wasn't getting the same thing out of it they were. I didn't really get it.. the point.. or whatever. And after, when I told a couple of my closest friends who don't do pot.. they were really disappointed in me.. because I had always told them that I didn't need pot to have fun.. or to prove something.. or just whatever. I didn't need to try it.. but I did. Evan had said that he was going to get some more on Monday and if I wanted I could come over and it would be a much better experience. At the time, I was all for it.. now I'm not so sure.
I feel guilty. Like I compromised who I am just to try something.. I've always been really curious.. I like trying new things.. I had to try and convince myself that by trying pot it doesn't make me a bad person.. and I know it doesn't.. because I'm still me.. and I know who I am.. but I had also considered what would happen to me if I had continued using.. and trying other things.. and I didn't like that idea of me at all. It would only interfere with all of my plans.. and I'm not sure I'd be able to live with myself if I walked around in a constant stupor.. or went to school high.. I wouldn't like that at all.
For whatever reasons I decided to try that night.. whether it was out of curiosity, to try and find something to help escape reality, maybe even to form a bond, (though it wasn't out of peer pressure. I resisted their cigarettes and their booze. :P)..I wasn't comfortable, and I don't think I'd like to do it again.
That's just how I feel. Your own personal preferences are great. More power to you. But I compromised who I was that night, and that's not something I want to do again.
Thanks to whoever took the time to read this. I have to go take a shower. :) And it feels really good to have finally written this somewhere to get it in perspective. :3
End Time: 4:37 PM Sat. Aug. 9th, 2008
Total Comments 4
Comments
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I'm sorry you have been beating yourself up over this...and now, I'm a stoner kid from way back, so I have a different perspecetive maybe...but I think you took a risk and pushed the limits of your experiences. And you found out that you don't like pot and that you have no interest in using drugs. You didn't drink, you didn't smoke cigarettes...you decided to try something, followed through with that decision, and made another decision based on your experiences.
I don't think you compromised yourself at all. If you kept using to make your friends happy, or because you felt like you should...then yeah. You would be compromising yourself. But there is no shame in trying something because you're curious, provided it won't hurt oyurself or anyone else. You were responsible about who you were with, and you are making a responsible decision to not use again based on how you feel about drugs based on your own experiences. Good for you. I wish I had had half that amount of sense at your age. I wish I had half that amount of sense now:-) |
 
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I have been smoking since I was 13. I lived with O.C.D. and panic attacks since I was 6 and nothing helped but Pot. Only thing that helped me calm down and breath. It helped me focus and completely cured my O.C.D. I dont think I could have made it through school with out smoking. So what I guess I am saying is dont beat yourself up about it. Its not a big deal and it wont hurt you. But good for you. Just realize that everyone out there doesnt just smoke to get "High" or to be "cool" or have fun. For me it was my cure to a nightmare of a life.
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i think if you had tried it with a comfortable setting and in a mood that wasnt all well unstable,, you would enjoy it. and you should try some green green, three hits nad you got a nice lil buzz,,, you dont need to smoke a bunch....
point is. being in a setting that makes you comfortable will make the effects of the drug good. dont be discouraged, but dont try it if you are stressed and uncomfortable hun. wait for that moment, it will jsut pop up, and you will either chose to or not too. do you see? ?  |
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Updated 08-30-08 at 12:52 PM by whenyournex2me |
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I sorry you found your self in that situation. Every one is different, and some people really enjoy drugs, you obviously did not. I wouldn't do it again if I felt that way. Either way I hope you enjoy life
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Recent Blog Entries by xocherryberrypie
- LOL. I'm so overusing my blog. (08-12-08)
- My First Time.. (08-09-08)
- "These words are my own, From my heart flow~" (08-09-08)
